Dad

For sons our mothers are our world. I am sure it's the same with girls but I do believe that guys will be mumma's boys and gals will be daddy's girl. We all boys share a very different equation with fathers. Between sons and fathers it is always like two different ends of the shore, we never meet. A son never listens to his father 'coz he wants to live life on his own terms and fathers don't want to listen to their sons 'coz they are sons, they are not supposed to advice. I remember an Amitabh Bachchan dialogue from a movie where he says 'Ek baap chahein kitni bhi koshish kar le bete ko gale nahi laga sakta' (No matter how hard a father tries he can never hug his son). While things are changing in this generation but for most of the people around the world the same problem exists. Sons and fathers, most often, are never on the same page.

I had the same sweet and sour relationship with my dad. He came from a very modest background and toiled hard in Mumbai to reach heights in his career. I being the elder son he had great expectations from me. He wanted me to top in the class, compete in IIT and become an engineer. I attribute my engineering degree to my father completely. Inspite of his illness he wanted me to do something he couldn't do in his youth. I know I have hurt my father many a times during my engineering years through my backlogs. He used to worry about my future and always said that my career is in flames. I was very immature to understand what he meant and was for the most part angry at my father for being too interfering. I am sorry dad I never understood you.

I wanted to do an MS after my bachelor's. My father refused. I stopped talking to him for a year. I always blamed my parents for the hardships I had to go through during my initial years at work. I blamed my parents for my jealousy towards all those college mates who could travel abroad for their MS. I was wrong, had I done well during my bachelor's my parents would have put their life on line to keep me happy. I am sorry dad I never understood you.

When I went abroad for the first time for work my father was more happier than I was. When I went abroad for the second time he was very proud. He was there to see me off to the airport and also there to receive me. He wanted to see all my photos, wanted to hear all my stories 'coz he missed me when I wasn't around for festivals but never told anyone and always kept it to himself. When I told him that I want to marry the girl I love, he was upset and also angry. My father was brought up in an environment where even talking to a girl was forbidden. He took a year to allow the feeling to sink in 'coz for him this was unusual and I always taught of it as his haughtiness. I am sorry dad I never understood you.

There are so many reasons for me to apologize to my dad and I am sure it is the same for all sons. I probably didn't respect him as much as he respected his father. He never questioned his father, never raised his voice in front of his father and never said no to his father. I have done all of that. I know he misses me but I also know he cannot cry like my mom does. I know he cannot be as expressive about his emotion as my mom is. I know he will never listen to me. I know for him I will always be his son and never an adult. I know he will always try to be hard from outside and soft from inside.

I know dad that you will always be dad and I still don't want to change a thing about it 'coz I love you dad. You will always be my hero and I cannot think of a better father than you even for the next seven lives.